I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
