mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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