So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
it's like heaven, but drunker
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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