oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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