my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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