I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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