as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
