My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
