everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
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I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
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then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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