mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
