he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
