brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
