I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
