Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
