thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Ladies don't puke and tell
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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