No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
