I have demons in me.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
