my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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