Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
