Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
