I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
