Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
