So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
