he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
