when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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