you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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