I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Drake has all the answers
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
