so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
