Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
