I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
