OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
