Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
