she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
