i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
