How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
