I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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