I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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