THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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