my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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