Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
