there was a trapeze. enough said
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize