P.S. I can't hear my feet
Ketchup is God's man juice
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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