Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We got so high we made milksteak
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
