All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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