you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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