Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
