no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
