Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
