Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
