i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
