i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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