I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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