you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
