Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
