great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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