ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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