just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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