hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
