so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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