planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
