the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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