I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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