He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
