Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
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We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
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Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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