also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
