I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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