He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
