but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
