So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
