Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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