Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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