she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
