Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
